Monday, May 17, 2010
Taeyang’s POV
‘I misunderstood everything. I’m so stupid. I should have asked first. But, I’ve done it already. I take all the blame. I just need to fix this.’ That’s what I said to myself as I drove back home.
When I arrived, Dara was still there, talking to my little sister, Minji.
She looked up and gave me a smile. But, even though no matter how many times she will deny it, I know that smile is just fake.
I approached her and grabbed her hand.
She just followed me and didn’t even ask where we are going.
After a few minutes we arrived in the hospital and I led her to HIS room.
I saw her cover her mouth as she was trying not to cry aloud. Here we are, looking through the glass mirror. Jiyong was lying on the bed, still unconscious. Tubes were all over and machines where attached to his body.
(A/N. I had a classmate, she’s 18 btw, who had a heart attack lately and there were a lot of things attached to her body. Sorry I don’t know what it’s called. But she told it’s for some kind of a test. It will be attached to your body for 24 hours I think.)
“Remember the day we went to the amusement park? It was the day Jiyong had his first attack. That’s why he didn’t come back for you. You told me that when I drove you home that day, he was there. Unfortunately, he escaped the hospital because he doesn’t want you to worry. That’s what the call about. Karen… she’s the doctor who help Jiyong. What she meant when she said ‘they’re not finished yet’ is that they were not able to finished running all the test on him. And when we left him, he ran after us. And his heart couldn’t take it anymore.”
I didn’t finish what I wanted to say because I know that it was all my fault. My best friend is lying there inside because of my stupidity.
I looked at Dara and I saw her face covered with tears.
‘I thought I’m not capable of hurting you, but I did.’
On the corner of my eye, I saw Bom-noona and Seunghyun coming. At first, I thought that their presence won’t help considering of what Bom-noona did.
But contrary to what I thought, Dara ran towards Bom-noona as she saw her.
Bom-noona hugged her back and asked her. “I thought you hated me.”
“Yes, I did. But now, I just need a hug from my sister.”
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Dara’s POV
I held his hand as I wait for him to wake up.
It’s been a day since Taeyang drove me here, yet Jiyong has not woken up.
I nearly lost all hope when I felt him move.
His eyes slowly opened. He looked around, maybe trying to comprehend where he is.
Then, he faced me.
“I’m sorry if you have to see me this way.” He said with such a gloomy face.
I couldn’t help but cry. Why is he in this state? Why him of all the people?
“Honey Bunny, don’t cry.” He said.
“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”
He chuckled. But he winced not long after. Even laughter could bring him pain.
“I want to be the rain. You know why? So that every time you cry, I would just wash your tears away.”
I held his face and caressed it.
Then, we heard a knock on the door and a doctor went inside, shortly after.
“Good morning. Ms Park, I’m Doctor Karen and I handle Mr. Kwon’s case. Now, I have some bad news for you.”
I squeezed Jiyong’s hand gently because of too much nervousness.
“Mr. Kwon needs a heart transplant as soon as possible for he could die in his next attack. But, the problem is, we couldn’t find a heart donor compatible to him.”
As she finished saying that, tears automatically fell from my eyes.
‘I can’t…I can’t lose Ji. He’s my life.’
This time, it was Ji’s turn to squeeze my hand. For some odd reasons, I find it comforting.
I wiped my tears with my other hand and asked the doctor, “Doc, is there anything else we could do now?”
The the doctor looked on the ground, maybe because she couldn’t say it straight to my face.
“Without the donor, we couldn’t do anything now except pray that he’s not going to have another attack.”
There. I lost it. All the hope I have left.
So, after the doctor closed the door as she went out, I faced Jiyong.
“I know you're going and I can't make you stay. But before you go, I want you to know... I'll love you anyway...”
----------------------
Jiyong’s POV
When I woke up, there was no one holding my hand. I panicked a little and I looked around. I saw my best friend, Taeyang sitting on the couch on the left side of my bed.
He looked at me and I knew he’s about to tell me something serious.
“You have no idea of how much I want to be in your position.” He said.
“You want a defective heart? You can have it.” I joked.
“No! What I mean is… you have no idea of how much I want to be with Dara, to be able to hold her hand, to be able to say how much I love her…” he said followed by a deep sigh.
I didn’t respond. I just want to hear what he wants to say.
“…but, you know what? I sacrificed my own happiness because I love you too much. Our friendship is more important to me than my own happiness.”
I smiled and I felt proud to have him as my best friend. But that smile quickly turned into a frown as I remembered something.
“I know…I know that you loved her every since. Actions can never lie. The way you look at her, the way you laughed when she would crack a joke. It shows. I’m not that blind. But, I still pursued her. I was selfish. I thought of my own happiness. Maybe that’s why God is punishing me…”
He just listened to me, like how I listened to him earlier. So, I continued talking.
“But, I’m dying. Can’t you see it? TY, promise me this! If I die, can you please take care of Dara? She acts so strong, yet she’s very fragile. I know, you love her so much that you won’t make her cry. Just…please… PROMISE ME!”
He gave me a sincere smile and started talking once again.
“You know, I always thought that if I’ll finally have her, I would be happy. But when I was taking care of her after that misunderstanding, I could see the sadness in her eyes. So now, I already accepted the fact that I can never make her happy. And… I’d rather see her happy with someone else, than be miserable with me.”
After he said that, he stood up and approached the door.
I gave him a questioning look.
“What are you doing TY?
He looked back at me and said, “I’m just doing the right thing.”
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(After a few days)
Dara’s POV
I just couldn’t hide it. I was crying yet, at the same time smiling. You may call me a crazy person, but I don’t care.
As I went out of the room, I saw Bom-unnie looking so concerned.
“Dara, are you okay?”
“Unnie. They found one. They found a heart donor.” I said as I hugged my sister.
I cried and cried on her shoulders until I have no tears left to shed.
Now, all I have to pray for is a successful surgery.
-------------------------------
Minji’s POV
After eight hours of surgery, Jiyong oppa has returned to his room.
I could see Dara-unnie’s very happy that the surgery went well.
Then, the doctor went inside the room.
“Doctor, can we thank the family of the donor?” Dara unnie said.
“Of course.” The doctor answered.
“Can you lead me to them?” She asked.
“No need… she’s here.”
Then, the doctor looked at me, and I couldn’t keep it anymore.
“I’m so sorry unnie. I tried to stop him… but he already made up his mind.”
I hand her the envelope my brother left.
“Before he did it, he left this. He said I should give it to you.”
Dara unnie stood there while holding the envelope, trying to comprehend what’s happening.
With her shaking hands, she opened the letter and read it.
‘Dara, Should i be happy because you're my friend? Or be sad, because that's all we're gonna be?
But you know what? I would rather be your friend, who is secretly in love with you, than be a stranger, who doesn’t even know you exist. For years, I tried to forget you. No matter what I do, I just couldn’t move on. I mean, how could I move on if I’m still in love with you? But, like what I said to Jiyong a few days ago, I’d rather see you happy with someone than be miserable with me.
Forgive me for doing this, but the circumstances left me with no choice. Even if it hurts me too much, I’m glad to see two of my most favorite people happy together. I know, he’s your happiness. So, I did something for you not to lose your happiness--- I gave him my own heart.
To Jiyong, please take care of Dara. I’ll haunt you if you make her cry! That’s not a threat. It’s a promise.
Your best friend,
Taeyang
PS. Dara, now that I’m gone, I hope you take care of my sister. You know that I’m the only family she has.’
After Dara unnie read it, she broke down.
“TY, how could you?” she asked. But, we all know that it would be left unanswered.
I saw a shadow on the corner and I knew exactly who it is. But instead of calling his name, I shut my mouth. I know he had a reason for doing this and I don’t want to be the one to ruin his plan.
So, I went towards Jiyong oppa’s bed and told him, “Please take care of my oppa’s heart.”
After I said that, I looked back at the corner to see if he’s still there. But, I saw nothing.
flashbacks of the past [1:22 AM]
Anj Tiu
November 15, 1990
Fan Fiction Writer
oblivious2dobvious@yahoo.com
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once, you held my hand
and told me you'll never let me go.
but now,
you left me all alone.
in the rain.